I could have easily saved 3 years of the 10 I spent in Big-4 Consulting if someone had handed me a Consulting 101 manual on Day 1.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have any mentors when I started, nor was I savvy enough to go find them, so I had to learn my lessons the hard way. Management Consulting is tough…..and it becomes harder when you’re a mom. But it is a roller coaster of learning experiences and if you can hang on, it’s worth the ride.

Here are my top life lessons from Consulting:
  1. If you’re going to play the game, get the rule book:
    My biggest mistake in Consulting was that I didn’t actively seek out mentors in the firm, who knew the culture and had insights into the promotion process.

    This is why networking is so important. When I sought out feedback actively I was told 2 things that I will always remember:
    “A lot of people want to help you but they don’t know what you want”
    This made me realize that even though I had attended the networking events, I had not been targeted about my networking. I hadn’t done my research on who to network with. I didn’t have a list of key people who should know me for my brand and would seek me out for their prime projects because they knew I was looking for those opportunities.

    “You have to approach the promotion process like running a political campaign”
    When I got passed over for promotion to Senior Manager, all I got was the standard….”you’re good….keep doing what you’re doing” feedback from most of the Partners I worked with.
    That same year I got a new counselor. And he just happened to be extremely blunt! He told me I wasn’t putting in the effort to “publicize” my brand and my work. And if I wasn’t going to tell the promotion panel what work I did, who was?

    So I got really deliberate about self-promotion. It was HARD at first, especially being an introvert and a true believer in “my work will speak for itself”. But no one has the time to run your campaign ….. it has to be you.
  2. Manage expectations:
    Having kids was a crash course in setting boundaries for me. I have been on high-burn consulting projects as a new mom who had to take breaks to go to the mother’s room. It was definitely an awkward conversation with the 50+-year-old male Partner on the project who just didn’t understand the process but let me be as long as I delivered my work. But hey, between my baby not having any milk and disappointing one Partner in the firm, my choice was clear.

    I had the same issue for traveling and living in a different city 4 days of the week. Once I had kids, my priorities were crystal clear. Mind you, I tried HARD, especially when I was gunning for a promotion and I had to go all out to impress management. But it wasn’t something I could do for years! So I had an honest conversation with leadership and cut it back to alternate weeks.

    The bottom line is, you have to know what’s important for you and when. I know people who were focused on making Partner before starting a family or choosing not to have kids. You do you! And make sure you’re not compromising on what’s important for YOU.
  3. Be flexible with your work style:
    I used to be the “my way or the highway” person before I joined Consulting. But I soon realized that with every new project, the dynamic changed. There was a new client, with their own work style, there was a new Partner or Senior Manager, with another “Big-4” style of working/ formatting/presentation. And oh by the way…. there is no ONE “Big-4” working style. It changes from Partner to Managing Director to Senior MAnager to …..you know what I mean!

    To give you an example…this one time….. I worked with a Big-4 Senior Manager who had an issue with me starting my sentences with a “But….I think this will….bla bla bla” Really??!! So instead of rolling my eyes and ranting about his craziness, I chose to start my sentences with “And…I think this will…..”
  4. It’s all relative:
    It really is. I’ve been that person complaining about her “role” on a project not being important enough more often than I would like. Comparing that with people who are dealing with an illness or the loss of a loved one, really puts it into perspective. 

    A bit late to the game, but I did realize that being grateful and putting your best work out there works wonders.
  5. Treat people the way you want to be treated:
    Always…always….always. Be that person who every junior person wants to work with. Word travels fast and stuff that happens in 1 team rarely stays in that team! One thing is guaranteed, that your reputation as a manager/ colleague/ teammate will reach more people than you expect in shorter time than you can imagine!

    If you get a cr@ppy manager, see it as a chance to learn how NOT to lead; if you get a newbie reporting to you, coach them and see them develop into a professional who looks up to you; help out colleagues when they reach out for sample deliverables. BE KIND.
  6. Fake it till you make it:
    Raise your hand for every opportunity you want, even if you think you’re not ready. As a woman, I have shied away from so many projects because I thought I wasn’t qualified enough, wasn’t “old” enough in the firm, or just not confident enough.

    No judgments on who actually ended up doing those roles, but it’s just not worth it to overthink your capabilities. In Consulting you’re trying to convince others ALL the time about how fantastic you are as a resource. What’s the point if you’re not convinced yourself?
  7. Don’t lose yourself:
    Adapt your work style, play the game, run your campaign…but at the end of the day don’t get so caught up in the whole craziness that you forget who you are. A quick way to keep a check on your own craziness level is how you deal with the junior people on your team.
    If you are still compassionate, empathetic, and truly invested in the growth of your teams, you’re solid.
  8. Try not to take it out on your partner/kids:
    This should probably have been the first one. It’s also the toughest to do. Client service is not easy and leaves you with little patience to deal with toddler tantrums and homework. Meditate, breathe, journal ……. whatever it takes to balance yourself and value the most important people in your life.

Got more life lessons to share? Write in the comments below or email me at punya@byondgood.com

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Punya is a former management consultant with 15 years of experience at 2 Big4 firms, serving top Fortune500 clients. She has lived and worked in 6 countries and changed 3 careers working across several industries. Punya is passionate about coaching new and aspiring Consultants to succeed in Management Consulting.